Eat This, Not That ~ Eat This AND That!!

Ever ponder what it would be like to experience an entire year of traveling among the most wonderfully food-centered cultures of our planet? The mere thought of this hypothetical sends chills down my spine. The peopling of our world embraces thousands of years of culinary trial and error, only to arrive at the ultimate in perfection; hell, I could spend 100 years just in Asia. What would you do with one year, a blank check and nothing to do but explore, eat, reflect and do it all over again the very next day. I think I have just described the life of Anthony Bourdain. This current gig of his is absolutely unparalled in the annals of anything, and like any thoughtful human being, he certainly does not take this for granted. What amazing set of string theory accidents propelled him from a baby into this most amazing adventure. You could not make this up in a thousand years. What is the learining here? It is this: someone was needed to jack hammer us out of our slumbering mediocraty, as we have been narcotized with opulence and don't even have a clue, save for a few very lucky souls, how rich and complete life can be. We do not echo anything worthwhile, particularly when a simple rice paddy farmer has more character and beauty at each footfall, than we can amass in a lifetime. Broken and bended at the back, day after day, yet...

@RuthBourdain

This is a hilarious comingling of the lyrical haiku of Ruth Reichl (former Editor Gourmet) and the stinging ballistic debauchery of Anthony Bourdain.  Popping into the Twitterverse about 3 years ago, Josh Friedland’s avatar is widely acclaimed by such notable venues as the Wall St. Journal, NY times, Washington Post, etc.  His book: Comfort Me with Offal, Ruth Bourdain’s Guide to Gastronomy (amzn.com) will certainly be a best seller.  Insightful musings on the frailty of the human condition: “And Guy Fieri does not win Outstanding Chef?”, “Google has banned porn on Google Glass, but what about Food Porn?” “In a major blow, butter has just cancelled its relationship with Paula Dean!”… and on and on…  I beg you to follow @RuthBourdain on Twitter.  “A parody match up of tweets!” An informative and entertaining guide to navigating our culinary mileau, whilst poking great fun at celebrity chefs, dining etiquette, etc.  I find this whole thing wildly amusing...my wife thinks it is silly and that I'm a huge jerk for being at all impressed with it.  

CAYMAN COOKOUT 2014 Wha Whaaaat?

Before I begin – apologies for my literary absence – I have been distracted with life, but I am now returning to my blog.  Stay tuned…

White sand beaches and palm trees makes me happy…very happy; however, there comes a moment that is just so compelling that one must act, without question or hesitation.  I found the reference to Eric Ripert’s Cayman Cookout 2014 in the August issue of Saveur but this time I was catapulted into a series of moves that by my calculations should deftly place me in the midst of one of the most fantastic ocean-side culinary experiences imaginable.  I am shaky with anticipation…wha whaaat?  Ok, imagine this: strolling barefoot on 7 miles of pristine beach, or Rum Point, or just about wherever, the air scented with floral aromatics, your palette tingles with lust as you contemplate each day’s menus (yes menus – eating this and thinking about the next is a birthright!).  Yeah, yeah yeah – just a lot of bullshit.  Indulge me: world class Chefs, with stunning global impact, dealers in sophisticated culinary brilliance, yet in the same instant able to present you with a regionally humble dish composed of the very freshest ingredients, simply prepared, not overly constructed, and unbelievably delicious.  Grand Cayman will be one of the most beautiful dining rooms of your wildest dreams, an unforgettable setting for 4 days of unparalleled tastings, commentary, banter, repartee…do I really need to go on with this?  You get it or you would not be even reading this.  Events have not yet been published yet but you can peruse last year’s agenda to get a flavor of what is likely in 2014 (Google Cayman Cookout and follow on Twitter @caymancookout). Jan 16-19.  Tickets go on sale Oct 1, 2013.  So be poised at the ready 1 minute after midnight on Sept 30.   All of this sound pretty authoritative –While I have been to the Caymans on several occasions, this will be my first Cayman Cookout – sitting here at this precise moment, I know that my every expectation will be exceeded.

OUR STORY CONTINUES:

Previously, we found Captain Drochan hard at task berating the young crofter, Dirk who, full of insolence and bravado, was seeking a berth on the Merchant Ship, “Margo” bound for the sea lanes of the Spice Islands.  The young Gael could not box a compass, tie a sheepshank, or converse with respect, yet the old sea biscuit saw something of himself in this one…

The next day, young Dirk braced himself for another encounter with the volatile Drochan…he spotted him in mid stride of the elbow pivot that would take dram of whiskey from the table to his lips.  The old tavern, “The Pig” was well worn, and every wooden surface glowed with the patina of age.  There were handfuls of ruffians, gambling tars, flitting mice and the ubiquitous stench of body odor, rotting teeth, street dogs and horseshit.  One sigh of pleasure from the Captain’s amber pull, and Dirk made his move.  “Sir, I pray for another chance with you. I know my tongue is stupid and devoid of manner, but I have a strong back and willing heart to work my best for you, the crew and the voyage.  I did not mean to offend you, but as you have observed, my mind takes on an idiot’s will at times, despite my inner protests.

“Well, you had best take possession of your “idiot” and quickly before I have the pleasure of hurling you arse out of that finely paned window.  I should rather be interred within the bowels of a rotting pig then to admit one of your two club feet on my ship; and there you have the balance of it.

Neither would give further quarter.  The Captain was a well-seasoned adventurer who had tasted the brine of many an ocean, set foot on many strange yet beautiful paradiso and polished more than one or two native mahogany breasts.  Dirk was tall, hardened by pulling muck and peat from the Moors with a crude spade made from the shoulder plate of a Hart, but his wanderlust was insatiable.  The two men were like twigs of the same branch, grafted from different trees.

OKINI PAN ASIAN RESTAURANT & SUSHI BAR

Well here we go!  I discovered this gem in Harrisburg, PA 3402-3406 Walnut Street.  I was staying at the Wyndham Garden, did not feel like another smoky dinner at Gilligan’s (yes they allow smoking in the bar).  So, the hotel dude flipped me a few Chinese menus.  This one blew my hair straight back!  Okay: Chinese, several regional styles, Japanese (especially diverse rolls, katsu, tempura, teriyaki, hibachi, sashimi, appetizers and so on)…but here is where it gets interesting: Thai, Hawaiian, Indonesian, Malaysian, and so on.  Are you kidding me?  This menu is exceptional – I wish I could have ordered one of everything.  The accompanying sauces for the food I did order were extraordinary, and each one carefully composed, with attention to quality, freshness, authenticity and well, just real pride.  I had the following: the Royal Cuisine of Thailand’s signature appetizer: whole chicken wings, boned out and stuffed with ground shrimp, cellophane noodles, cilantro and spices, aka “Angle Wings” – how utterly fitting.  I also had the Thai Fish Cakes, ground fish, curry sauce, and Thai herbs and fried, along with a sweet chili dipping sauce.  Next up, Chicken Satay, marinated and grilled with a bright spicy peanut sauce; very most and tender, glistening with the glow of the brazier.  The main event was a brilliantly composed dish of udon noodles, with chicken and shrimp, floating delightfully in an aromatic bath of bell pepper, onion, scallion and black pepper sauce, hence, Black Pepper Udon.  Fantastic.  Please go there, pick up, or order delivery – free within 5 miles.  You will love it!. 

INTRO TO SHORT STORY

Please read this with a thick Robbie Burns burr at the back of your tongue!

I have always maintained ‘tis a high mark of a Man’s character to know full well when to keep his trap door shut when there is nothing clangin’ and bangin’ about inside but drivel.  And for you Sir, I beg you to refrain from any further comment, for your next utterance shall be deemed a slander against me and my Countrymen; that is if you dare to feel the fire of my wrath and the smart back of my hand that’s soon to follow.  Do not persist; you may consider the matter closed.

Reef Snapper – It’s what’s for Dinner!!

Ok, so the caption is “Reef Snapper” – BUT, this theme speaks to all of that delectable bounty that swims or crawls ‘neath the briny blue sea.  From myriad latitudes and longitudes straight on ‘till morning, we have come to love those invitingly oceanic culinary delights!  Whether shelled, invertebrate, or scaled, what is the attraction?  Can you image the first human to pluck a 10 lb lobster from the nearest tide pool – cracking tail from body with a resounding snap, shoving down meat and entrails into his throat like a starving Pleistocene Megladon happily tearing into a squirmy little dogfish.  From there we have Pilgrims, boiling he crap out of them for hours – tough enough for you now? Then finally somebody figured out how to actually cook a proper one.  The seascape is so immense that we need to limit our scope.  I think I’ll jot a few notes about the Caribbean ~ for me, familiar territory.  Let’s begin with Bermuda Fish Head Chowder! Fantastic, with parsley, thyme, spring chives, onions and, of course, a couple of nice cheeky Red Snapper heads.  The bones, cartilage, and meaty morsels and bits really reduce down and concentrate the flavor.  Very satisfying.  The Bahamian Fish Boil uses the same technique, a slow simmer, but a bit spicier.  Grouper is another favorite whether grilled, fried, smuddered (smothered), baked, broiled or pan fired.  Proceed to Grand Cayman for herb seasoned Marlin Steaks sautéed with a buttered rum ginger glaze. Everything is better with rum.  A leisurely sail over to Puerto Rico for Casuelita, slow simmered in an earthenware pot with herbs, lobster, shrimp, clams, any mild whitefish, fish stock and white wine. Oh yes, and eat outside on the beach and no shoes.  I’m thinking too about a tall icy Mojito to go with.  If you go to Jamaica – you can have aquacultured hybrid Tilapia or, more importantly, you can have a jerked Red Snapper, cooked over pimento wood, basted with a traditional jerk sauce kicked up just as you like, with Toots and the Maytals playing, Sangster’s rum flowing and all is well!  You gotta try Blackwell’s Rum (Black Gold) by founder Chris of the same name – he also started Island Records – need I say more?  Fundamentally, freshly caught, seafood treated with respect in the preparation and the execution, absolutely guarantees a great meal; combine that with the beauty of the beach and you “eat well” my friends.  Think about this: sea urchin, squid, razor clams, conch, mussels, flying fish and their roe…

CRAVING FRENCH FRIES ~ THESE ARE FANTASTIC WIHOUT THE DEEP FRY!

Everyone loves French Fries ~ it is the perfect side for just about anything.  But making them can be a real challenge, from selecting the right potato, the right amount of [which] oil and at what temperature, to double fry, seasonings, whatever.  Why torture yourself.  Here is my recipe for fool-proof oven fries that are fantastic.

The potato?  Well some say russets are best, but really, I don’t care, whatever you have (you can even do this with sweet potatoes, but may have to wedge cut them).  I peel them first, then slice them as long as possible into quarter or half inch section.  What matters is to get them a uniform shape for even cooking.  The lay them out without overlapping on paper towels and dry them off well with several changes of paper.  They must be dry! 

Preparation: Toss them into a bowl, and season well with salt and pepper (I like to use sea salt), rosemary and thyme (fresh or dried) as you like, or other of your own favorites spices (Old Bay is nice too!), and olive oil.  Combine well, but do not let them sit for long or the salt will draw out moisture and dampen them again – have this done just before you put them in the oven.

Process: preheat oven to 400 degrees, preheat the oiled baking tray for 10 minutes on the middle rack, take the tray out of the oven and slide on the fries.  Spread them out.  The tray will sizzle a bit.  Return to the oven and cook for 20-25 minutes; remove and flip over with a spatula, and cook for about another 20 minutes or until crisp to preference.   Toss them into a bowl and eat ‘em.  You could also add some parsley or cilantro, grated parmesan cheese, etc. at this point too!

Everyone loved these little darlings! So give them a try. 

THE pod ~ EXTRAORDINARY!

The POD (but actually “pod” so you can read it upside down as you have your second Martini! Oh yes, they have quite an extensive repertoire of them!). This place is truly one of a kind. Adjacent to the Inn at Penn (3636 Sansom St. Philadelphia), nestled in the University of Pennsylvania campus area, and it is where I eat, every night I’m there. Oh, there are plenty of great restaurants in the City, and sure I’ve been to dozens of them, but you really have to visit the pod to get the whole picture. Manager Greg Root (who by the way is a direct descendent of Elihu Root, who won the Noble Prize, and was Secretary of War and also of named Secretary of State in 1905; he attended Hamilton College in Clinton, NY and Root’s Glen is named for the family. Elihu’s Dad was a Professor of Mathematics there), and the rest of the staff are amazingly hospitable, friendly, and go out of their way to make everyone welcome. Sarah, Rose and Tom are outstanding Bartenders and I am always stunned by their ability to handle a full bar solo! The visual impact is exciting, and reminds me of the space shuttle scene in 2001 Space Odyssey, with the reddish over-stuffed foamy/acrylic furniture, back-lit bar, cozy nooks and crannies everywhere, well-placed semi-private and private dining areas, closed-circuit TV (some smallish and sprinkled in the most unlikely places, and a big one in the lower sushi conveyor bar – more on that later; typical TV fare includes Jetsons Cartoons, old SCI-FI films, anime and 2001 of course), sunken dining area and spacious upper bar. The rest rooms are an adventure unto themselves; little vertically cylindrical pods, separated by soft neon back-lit panels, with music piped in; they remind me of something you’d expect in a space shuttle! The Facility hosts frequent events, including recruiting sessions for Wharton MBA candidates and prospective top tier consulting firms, University Faculty, and other groups.

The cuisine speaks to me for sure; a very interesting blend of Asian Fusion, Japanese, Chinese, etc. with and extensive sushi and sashimi. The lower bar is a conveyor that transports an array of tempting treasures; just pick out what you want! How easy is that. My menu favorites include Duck Three Ways (and the Bao Bun stuffed with duck confit can be added to any dish), Asian Braised Beef Short Ribs, Crispy Chicken Wings, Pork Belly Buns (unbelievable!), Pork Dumplings, the Rock Shrimp, Rack of Lamb and many of the sushi, and the Lobster Roll in particular. Now pay attention: The hallmark of a great restaurant is its ability to customize – the pod’s culinaria is not so formulaic that adjustments cannot be made, and I consider this, yet just another indication of excellence. I am also amazed by the younger patrons, students, no doubt, that can afford to eat here! When I was an undergrad, I could barely afford much more than a burger, but don’t get me wrong – the prices are exceedingly reasonable given the location.

So please make a note to visit the pod during your next visit to Philadelphia. You will be delighted!

THE UNDISPUTED KING OF PUNJABI CUISINE ~ TANDOORI CHICKEN (BUT IN THE OVEN AT HOME)

We’ve all pretty much enjoyed various versions of this exciting culinary delight. It never fails to disappoint. Those who “get it” will crave this dish forever. I have experimented with many versions using modified techniques for outdoor grilling as well as indoor oven roasting, along with various single and two-stage marinations, spanning 1 day to several. Tandoors are tall, clay ovens that are fired with charcoal, and shaped so as to concentrate the heat to a staggering inferno. Meats are marinated with the most devout loving care, exactingly cut, slit and then skewered before being plunged point first into the hell fires. Meanwhile, pointed rounds of naan are dabbed onto the sides, where they stick and cook to a bubbly, crusty outside, but a very soft and chewy interior. Chickens take only about 10 minutes, and emerge with some decorative charring, succulent, reddish-orange or even yellowish (depending on the marinade), and one simply can’t wait to being stripping off the meat with a bit of naan. Side dishes? Only if you must. Ice-cold beer is the ticket. So what have I learned? Follow along.

The chicken: I like to use whole smallish chicken, not big roasters; organic too if available. They must be left whole, skinned and slit very precisely. Holding the chicken legs pointing downward, each breast side is slit in three downward diagonals; the top of the thighs slit in three places lengthwise, then turn over and slit the backside each thigh along the bone. Each leg is also slit to the bone in three places – but do not start at the edge. Finally, make a cut at each knee joint and also where the wing joins the breast. Done! The bird is carved when done. Alternatively, you can cut into serving pieces and slit as described above.

First marinade: lime juice, a tsp or so of salt, two tsp of Kashmiri red chili powder and about a tablespoon of garlic-ginger paste. Rub well into the slits, and then let sit overnight in the fridge. The paste is made from 6 cloves garlic, 2-3 inches of ginger, ¼ cup water to aid blending, and I like to add 1 seeded hot green pepper. The chili powder will give the bird a nice red coloration without the use of food coloring. You can make it orange by adding some ground turmeric. Spices (about ¾ tsp each) can also be added: whole cardamom seeds, ground cinnamon, ground cloves, ground cumin, and ground bay leaf.

Second marinade: hung (or Greek style) yogurt, about 2 cups, 1 tsp chili powder, 2 tbs garlic-ginger paste, 1 tsp garam masala, tbs canola oil, salt to taste and a good squeeze of lime juice. Mix well and then rub into the chicken. Let sit overnight again (but no less than 4 hours).

Ok, its show time! Place your pizza stone in the middle rack of your over and preheat to highest setting (500 or 550, but actually 350-425 also works but takes longer, and doesn’t flash cook the chicken); however, I have also set the oven at 400 and used convection bake setting. ok if you don’t have a stone – but it helps radiate the heat. Shake off some of the excess marinade, and place on an upper rack on an oiled grate over a baking sheet lined with foil. Bake, turn once of you like, until crisp, slightly charred and done. This should take about 25 minutes. Let rest a bit and then cut into serving pieces. Place on a platter with lime wedges and thinly sliced red onion. Sprinkle with chat masala and cilantro leaves. Best with naan, and a rice or lentil dish if you like. This also works well on a charcoal grill; but in the winters where I live, grilling is not a preferred option. Namaste!

JAVELINA, TALLADEGA, VROOOMMM

Why me? – for the love of God…

I’m taking my morning power walk in 110 degree dry-baked heat in Tucson, happily listening to my Stones playlist, picking up speed, looking at the mountains and the cactus, feelin’ just fine. Out of the corner of my eye, I see these shapes dash across 4 lanes of highway. I think American Werewolf in London – their hair was perfect, BUT, I’m in Arizona. Hold on, I squint to see them better, and all of a sudden, the lead thing juts out its forelegs, slams on the breaks and kicks up a nice little dust devil that begins to waft in my direction. He targets me with beady red, bloodshot eyes, scimitar, self-sharpening tusks, all gnarly and grotesque gleaming in the sunlight, making awful gut wrenching noises…I think – I don’t give a $%^*& what these are, I’m outta here. So you know about my power stride, but I can run like a Cheetah when necessary, and believe me, this was absolutely necessary, because the lead thing takes off like a bullet – proclaiming his intention with one loud snort that, of course, alerts the other two things, who then proceed to kick up their own little dust devils. Now all three are in hot pursuit. I am running like a mad man back towards the hotel, when all of a sudden, my knee decides it wants to go somewhere else, perhaps back home, I dunno. So I begin to limp my way with ever diminishing separation between me and that thing that wants to gnaw on my recalcitrant knee cap. I see an Enterprise Car Rental Place that has a chain link fence; I grab onto link after link with hope that I can increase my speed with carefully placed hand-over-hand maneuvers. When, out of the blue, this jalopy turns from a side street – all neon colored, with a thousand bobbly-headed toy doggies in the rear window, all decked out with ribbons and piñatas, turns in my fleeing direction. It down-shifts and at that precise moment backfires. This kaboom startles the three werewolves and they kick up three more dust devils and high-tail it into the mesquite. I stop, trying to calm my nerves and quiet my aching lungs, slapping my knee to behave itself, and thanking God that I never got close enough to smell those nasty animals. They were, of course, Javelinas – not often seen, but I shall always remember them. I love pork in all of its forms, except this one.

SHOPPING WITH FOOLS

Now I don’t mean not to be nice and all, and it is not my intention to throw every idiot consumer under the bus, but let’s face it! IT IS JUST PLAIN WRONG. How do we know this? Just go to the grocery store and watch the madness.

Most of us probably do not have access to high-end food emporiums, like Wild Oats, Whole Foods, Wegmans, Dean Deluca, etc., nor do many know about great mail order sites like D'artagnan (oh, you must check this one out for sure!), or many of the great artisanal shops like Salumi in Seattle (Mario Batali’s Dad runs this). However, this is no excuse for being a Culinary Cretin. Here are sure-fire indicators – just peak inside my brain here for a moment:

§ Shopping cart is filled with every branded, sub-edible, chemical laden, fat encrusted, GHG charged liquid concoctions – you could not even syringe enough sugar through the twist off cap, or vacuum inject the 4000 grams of salt per serving needed for just the right balance - all sold under the guise of convenience to the morbidly obese;

§ These folks do not pay for their junk – we do, and then they get some grocery kid to load the heaping – yes plastic- bags into their Lexus SUV (oh yes, there is also a suspect handicapped sticker too), as they pole vault over to the nearest Burger King for breakfast;

§ Typical shopping lists includes stuff that is not made out of anything recognizable as a primary food ingredient – why bother when you can eat food additives instead of the real deal – much tastier and easier to prepare; one can never have to much fake cheesy chips; pre-cooked pork sausages made from saw dust and pig sweat; red dye #2 twizzle sticks (yes, need 5 bags of those for the ride home); every manner of TV dinner (sold as carefully engineered diet plans – and after a list of 100 or so chemicals, we find, 0.1% chicken extract); soda, soda, soda – 8 flavors – and better if you get the litre bottles so you are compelled to drink the whole thing or lose the fizz; shopper’s targeting computer vectors to the candy aisle – whoa! Better get another cart; and on it goes till we find that can of Dinty Moore and a tin of Vienna Sausages.

Where did we go wrong? I don’t care – but what I do care about is the fix! Here’s how we do it: IF YOU WANT TO SHOP IN THIS STORE – HERE ARE THE RULES – NO EXCEPTIONS [ouch – getting a bit Stalinesque are we?]:

§ You must have competed a basic course on nutrition and show proof positive (unless we have profiled you out of this requirement)

§ You must check in at the service desk for a briefing on reading labels (ditto)

§ You can’t buy a, b, c unless your body fat is x (ditto)

§ You must commit in writing to watch at least two episodes of any food show, preferably Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations (no cookbooks because you are probably to busy stuffing your face to read)

§ You must be able to push the cart through the store yourself (unless of course, there are issues)

§ You are not allowed to sample anything, unless it is a raw carrot

§ The following aisles are restricted (unless waived out) beer, candy, mass produced breads, fake cheese, fake meat, chips, dips and other snacks, cereals, etc. The complete list is posted throughout the store for your convenience, etc.

And finally, get off of your duff and learn how to make a few simple dishes that will allow you to expand your scant repertoire to create other things using minimal techniques, for example:

§ How to cut celery without shredding your finger (next try an onion – first think slices, then an dice, next a tomato sliced, then diced, and so on)

§ How to boil water – a real challenge, and then how to add a few ears of corn, how to shuck an ear of corn so you don’t choke on those nice wispy threads

§ How to open a can of good quality solid white tuna, and perhaps mix it with some chives, parsley, and a little mayo

§ How to make a descent omelet (without leaving half of it stuck to the bottom of the pan) which requires you to crack an egg properly and then whisk it!

§ How to roast a whole chicken so that it is evenly done at the same time

§ How to wash vegetables for a salad “Gee you mean you have to wash them first? What is a salad?”

§ How to make a basic soup - say how about you make a stock out of the chicken carcass you roasted?

§ How to make a simple peasant stew – say how about you make a stock out of the chicken carcass you roasted? Reserve, then sauté some vegetables in olive oil (how about the celery and onion you learned how to slice, maybe some garlic, carrots, leeks? Whatever you like), brown some chicken pieces in the same pan, then make a roux (what? – are you French?), then add some herbs – thyme, chervil, parsley, bay leaf, a couple of cups of white wine, add the reserved broth, and simmer for an hour or so, add some thin slices of mushrooms (you know how to slice things by now). There you go – you did it and it did not come out of a frozen foil carton.

It is interesting to note that the favorite meals of great chefs are largely composed of fresh ingredients, simply prepared; the last thing they want is something overly constructed, that is to say they want it simple: radishes with fresh butter and salt, the chicken stew above, roasted marrow bones, fresh made egg pasta with a light but flavorful dressing, basically the food that most the of poor have been eating for centuries. So how did we get from there to the frenzied grocery scenario I describe above? This is the fundamental issue that is so troubling. So many people have lost there way with the food the eat – just look around you. So, in your own small way, I challenge you to make a difference in the life of just one person. Give them the knowledge and the desire the best way you can. Feed them.

You think there is hope for these folks? I don’t…no one really cares.

Schell's Birdies, Bogies and Beers! New Ulm, MN!

What I am about to tell you is so bizarre that it defies credulity. The set up:

We stopped in New Ulm Minnesota at the Holiday Inn (see blogs on Otto’s and the dessert that was inspired by smoked pork chops), for an overnight en route to Fairmount the next morning. The Schell’s Brewery sponsored “Birdies, Bogies and Beers” annual golf contest, broadcast live by KNUJ was on that night. This event takes place every Thursday over a month or so at different venues in New Ulm (refer to movie with Renee and Connick – not actually filmed there, though – but you will get the idea). I qualified as a finalist (1 of 4) in a crazy arcade-inspired vertical golf pinball contraption with a putter that only Robin Williams could describe – it was like Cirque de Soliel. I did not know I was on live radio and all I can say is that I am so ashamed about the abuse I heaped on the Radio EMCEE. A table of folks from New Ulm kept saying things like – “I really think he is from New York”. The place was packed and I am now “Chris from New York”.

Fast forward a couple of weeks: I am in the tee box on 4^th hole at the Eagle’s Nest Country Club, Myrtle Beach poised in my back swing and the cell phone rings (not just a brriinngggg – but more of a Forbidden Planet thing – Welcome to Altaire 4 Gentlemen)…it is KNUJ to confirm my spot in the final rounds on 4/29. I tell them I’ve been away from home for 3 weeks and have to leave for Reno for a week on 5/2 and so must decline. I get back to the resort and relate the conversation - everyone says “Chris, are you nuts - this is a once in a lifetime event – you have to go – in the gut of beer country Minnesota amid all of those smoked pork chops – you have to do this!” Everyone but my Wife – who thinks I am certifiable. Well anyway, I start looking through my perks – airfare, hotel, car, etc. I make the decision – I’m in. I am crazy. It is a bucket list item!

I have two great outings with my Great River Energy buddies in Maple Grove. The afternoon of 4/29 – I make the 1.5-hour drive to New Ulm. A bowling alley this time – The Kegel Club! It is packed with people, and all of the locals that were at the Holiday Inn event remembered me. Immediately the KNUJ broadcaster says: “We’re so glad you made it – it you could not, we had it all figured out – we would do a live phone interview with you with the Owner of the Brewery with 3 people selected as your proxy for you to choose. So, since you are here – let’s have a personal interview right now.” So I did – it was a blast.

Ok – here we go! The qualifier is designed to winnow the 50 or so contestants down to the top 15, with the same set-up as the Holiday Inn. First off – some fellow with a military bearing comes over and gets me in a conversational headlock for 20 minutes. “So – your are from NY?” – then there are a lot of – “You betchas and okie dokies!” This guy is very talkative – hence the nickname - “Windy” – He says to me – “I’m going to take you down – you are not going to win this!” Okay, I get it – let the locals have there day. Only thing is – I make it to the finals and Windy and his bag of air don’t. So, now I am thinking – do I rub his nose in it and suffer another half-hour talk fest or do I just leave it alone. Naaawwww – “Windy, I am still standing – I can’t see you – you must be down!” My table erupts – I am elevated another notch!

So then, a gal steps into the tee box – but is wearing sandals. The Radio EMCEE notices and comes over: “You are wearing sandals?” “ Yes I am” – “And your toenails are painted?” Yes they are!” “ We must have a ruling on this!” “Ted" (the owner of Schell’s). Ted gets down on all fours and inspects her feet; after a moment, he proclaims – “Nope - get the duct tape!" Okay – you can’t make this stuff up. They duct tape her feet to hide her toes. Three other ladies are subject to this indignity. One guy has to put on a dress and high heels; another has the Schell’s Marketing lady hitched atop his back. Kinky New Ulm – go figure – everyone was laughing like crazy. I am thinking – whoa – NY has its thing – but this is freaked out crazy.

The real contest is a 30’ putt to a hole with water hazards – you have 5 shots; from there you move to the putt-putt up/over-inside shoot – elevated green, etc. – 5 shots for that to. Your final score is that, less what you did in the pre-qualifier. At the end of the day – I finish 5^th or 6^th – they will send me a commemorative 150- year anniversary jacket! And, the best part – I am invited back for other events: to wit: the February Bock Beer fest and the September whatever event – maybe street canoe racing with bathroom plungers instead of oars?

Okay – at the end of the day – these are great folks – a slice of Americana that has endured world wars, Woodstock and the Stock Market – it is a great place to raise a family (despite the duct tape thing), with a great work ethic and a appreciation for those simple things in life that enrich and endure.

Cheers!

Blarney Stone - Authentic Irish Pub

Ok, here we go again. I have been coming to Bismarck, ND for over 10 years now on business and just stumbled on this little gem. They only opened last October (that explains that), and are apparently getting some very good attention! To start with – I arrived on Sunday and as is typical in Bismarck, just about everything is closed…but even on Mother’s Day? The Radisson folks called every place I could think of – and although their restaurant opened at 4:00 pm – I wanted something else. The Shuttle driver said – “Hey – you need to go to the Blarney Stone!” Ok… He said it was just a block away and 4 doors down from Peacock Alley (also closed). Here’s the kicker: “Everyone I send over there has a great time –good beer, fun staff and just a nice spot to relax”. Ok, I’m in. People drive in from Mandan – so something has got to be right!

I am on my 1-hour power walk, with sweats, headphones and IPod – do I change? Naw – need to check out the Blarney. The place is just as you would expect in an Irish Pub replication. Dark woods, seems like hundreds of taps, traditional Irish music (the more popular stuff, not Gaelic, uilleann pipes, and all). Immediately, I am made to feel right at home by Shasta and Tim. We do a little demo on my Nokia Bluetooth headphones. Shasta really has a great sense of humor and heaps lots of abuse on Tim – but he is very good natured about it. Now I am getting hungry, but I am sans glasses – pay for my wine, back to hotel to retrieve them. They think I was scared off and that was it. So, I return (“Oh, you’re back?”) ready to delve into the menu. Not what I expected.

The menu has its typically pub fare – but also different items you would not expect: Irish Nachos, Mussels Malone, and Smoked Salmon Lox for starters; Sandwiches include: Smoked Sicilian and Honey Cashew Chicken, for example with a great array of burgers and specialty items like Guinness Irish Stew, Shepard’s Pie, Bangers and Mash and a Black & Tan Sirloin (at a very reasonable $16.99 – it is the priciest thing on the menu), along with a great selection of imports and artisan ales. You can even get Clamato Juice in your ale! I had some delicious wings and the Smoked Salmon (nice presentation and very tasty!).

Very nice Clientele – and a real mix of young and older folks too. Manager Kirsten is very proud of her business and I noticed plenty attention to detail and no one goofing off, except me. The staff is very convivial and fun (Amanda and Gabrielle, too).

On balance, the Blarney Stone delivers great food at modest prices, outstanding selection of beverages, and a very relaxing atmosphere (although, I’m sure it can get very hectic in there). For me, on that Sunday, it was the best! I need to go back there.

Slainte!

Ike's at MSP Airport - Wow!

Well – I have been asked to continue my blogs on airport dining – so then, here we go! Many people succumb to “first convenient spot available and miss many opportunities for really good eats!” Let me tell you about Ike’s!

Located at the MSP - that’s Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. This is not your standard airport food fare. I have been eating there for years and the remarkable thing its not just about the quality and diversity of offerings, but also consistency of preparation and service and the most attentive and friendliest of staff! Ike’s is a jewel at MSP!

From the moment you enter, you are impressed with the ambiance. The acoustics facilitates business or intimate conversation; the lighting makes you warm and comfortable and table spacing is designed for relaxation at an unhurried pace.

I always get the iceberg lettuce, bacon, the blue cheese salad, the pork-filled pot stickers, and the shrimp cocktail (remarkable)! But, let us but let us not stop there! The menu is enriched with special small plates, classic American favorites (meaning gravy), as well as an array of interesting beef, seafood, sandwiches, salads, soups and just about everything including crab cakes! The staff is fantastic and makes you feel so special. I wish to thank Latira and Zaida for their attention to detail and just all around fun.

So, next time when at MSP– you know where to go!

Let’s face it – you don’t get quality on the cheap – if that’s what you’re after – why are you even reading this…I want, you want, a cascading waterfall of flavor, fun and good eats!

Avocado

How can I find you?

I don't know where to look...

You left my shadow

Alone without light

So I'll send you my thoughts

That's all I can do

Something small, unhurried and perfect

So green and so ripe and so utterly creamy...

The Sunset Beach Bar will blow your mind. Located at the beach end of St. Maarten's Princess Juliana International Airport, it is one of the most exciting places I've ever been to (yes, even better than P.F.Chang's Maple Grove MN location - although they are among my top 10 favorites ever). Here's the deal - besides being a great out door tavern - its location demands special attention. Wait till I tell you (first off - we could never do this in the U.S.!) - locals (and drunken tourists) cling to the chain link fence - hold on and let the jet wash of the arriving flight blow them back into the ocean (I wish I had a "critter cam" affixed to somebody); literally yards away from the runway! It is without a doubt the most fantastic places to drink good cold beer, eat and watch the show. Saba Island, very close by has, what is reported to be the shortest commercial runway in the world! And, it is said that only U.S. Navy trained fighter pilots who are now airline fliers can land there - it is like an aircraft carrier! Back to Sunset....whew, I am getting pumped just writing about this!! Not only that, the bar has great food: conch fritters, Black Angus everything, great shrimps, and the very best baked wingies, as well as hand-cut tuna, shellfish, and straight on 'till morning.

Ok - the flight arrival/departure schedules are posted daily (in chalk) on a huge surfboard stuck upright into the sand. - So, you get there, have a drink, check out the timeline, maybe grab a nibble, watch the people and sit back and relax (Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about!).

So, you are worried about sunstroke? Many, many, many Heineken umbrellas on many tables - you can be cool, and also "cool" in the same instant! The place is actually very spacious - it is packed to be sure, but you don't really notice. They even have activities for children! Live music is always on hand: reggae, soul, rock, and some blues - it is party all night! Giant TVs are on also hand for sports fans, and free WIFI for nerds!

This is a review overdue - but better late than never I say - I've been there twice recently and can't wait to go back!

Cheers! Aye!

Duffy Street Seafood Shack

You never know what the beach will throw at you – I’m always pretty lucky at ferreting out these little gems. Let me tell you about Duffy Street. Now the place looks like some giant casually tossed a handful of driftwood in a pile – this particular pile is on the corner of Duffy Street and Sea Mountain Parkway in Cherry Grove, North Myrtle Beach. (just a couple of blocks from the beach) The structure rambles both horizontally and vertically – all in a very haphazard and lazy manner. Charm? It does not get any better. However, if you are put off a bit by mess – do not come here. You must wade through about 1.5 feet of accumulated peanut shells; do not wear anything nice; do come with an appetite! The menu is mostly raw, steamed, fried or broiled seafood; fresh fish of the day is usually blackened. A good variety of interesting appetizers, including fish bites, calamari, little necks (steamed or raw), pig skinned shrimp, fried green tomatoes, and great crab cakes just to mention a few. Condiments at the table are stuffed in empty Corona six-pack containers. They dump a heaping platter of fresh roasted in-shell peanuts for you to nibble on while you contemplate what to order. Two of us had the ribs (very tender with a nice cherry glaze – these two folks were pretty well done with seafood by the end of the week); I had the Duffy Street Steam Pot (oysters, clams, shrimps with Old Bay seasoning, crab legs, baked potato, cornbread etc.). It was fantastic and everything perfectly done; the other had the fish corn and crab bisque and snow crab – the bisque was great. Many sides to select and the Key Lime Pie finish was spot on. If you every get near this part of the world – you have to try Duffy Street as a wonderful departure from the more popular Myrtle Beach scene – it is a local favorite and once you go – you will want to come back for sure. ‘Give ‘em a Google and check it out!

Cheers!

Nikki's Hibachi Steakhouse & Sushi Bar, Myrtle Beach

Myrtle Beach has a seemingly endless variety of ethnic foods, excepting perhaps Moroccan, Afghani, or maybe Pakistani. What they do have is plenty of Japanese restaurants, most of them spinning high-volume tourist turnover. Nikki's is one bright exception. I have provided the link below so that you can see for yourself what a remarkable place this is ~ very beautiful, and the food is quite exceptional. Everything is of the highest quality, very fresh and well presented. I sampled these: Tuna Tataki (lightly seared with bright soy vinegar sauce), Pork Gyoza (pan fried/steamed dumplings with a spicy soy vinegar sauce) and the Fuji Yama Roll (tempura shrimp, fresh eel, avocado, cucumber, topped with seared tuna and a homemade spicy sweet sauce, with extra ell sauce on the side ~ actually, I had two of them). Everything was remarkable and memorable. Although I usually paste photos to these musings, I can't do justice to their web site - you will be wanting to to there as soon as you open the link.

www.nikkissushibar.com

Cheers!

What the Hell was I Thinking...

Weaving through the barrier dune, the image quivers over my head,

Like a falcon, poised in graceful suspension,

Seagulls tip their wings,

Sandpipers dance on the sand,

And a lone magpie teases a crow...

[Enough of that poetic crap - let's eat something!!]