Why, Oh Why do I go here…What is the point…Who cares and who listens? Well my beloved food friendly friends, it is you! You of all people get this …it is why you are here, reading the culinary musings of one who has spent endless evenings in a Grand Mal of flavor induced euphoria. Yet, it is simply not enough. You [We] want more, we need more and yet, with each attainable moment of temporal success, and after the endorphins have subsided, we are left crashed like a heroine junkie, sad, sullen, even morose…ah, yet here it comes…quietly at first, then building with increasing momentum, like a massive rock slide catapulting down the mountain…the thought blasts out of our skulls, loud enough to at least get our attention…what shall I have to eat next! Yes, that’s it!!! Options…many options, must be selective though…I only have this one opportunity for this one evening...must get it right. What shall it be? The answer to this question is largely dependent on mood. Here are a few simple suggestions on how to deal with this issue and maximize the opportunity:- Never order anything you can make better at home;
- Whatever it is that you order, always order enough for a late night snack or breakfast (I do this all of the time, and actually write “leftovers for breakfast” on my receipts submitted to Clients – this way it is not so shocking that I spent $80 on a 5 oz. piece of Japanese Kobe Beef; I really do eat the leaftovers for breakfast!);
- Stretch your taste buds into another culinary realm (I get very annoyed with folks who live their entire lives in a very narrow ethnic food lane); use the ever popular IPhone app – “Ethnic Food Lovers Delight” [not a bad idea, anyone interested in a little design work? $0.99 x 2 million subscribers will put a lot of puffer fish cheeks on your plate];
- Go for things you need to eat with fingers, chop sticks, over-sized ladles, or slurp from a large vat;
- Be sure that whatever it is, pork fat is involved [duck fat will also do in a pinch];
- If number 5 above is not readily available, ask for a larding needle and do it yourself;
- Ensure plenty of tasty beverages accompany the adventure;
- And, lastly, order something that you can share with an invited friend or two; eating alone is about nutrition, eating with another is a party.
It is perfectly natural to enjoy the experience of decision-making, but once decided, move swiftly if you must, or linger quietly in the confidence that a decision has been struck, warmed in the knowledge that you have carved out a wonderful selection of plates, tailored to your specific mood of the moment and enjoy another glass of wine.
It’s a pity that we can’t embark on this adventure like every couple of hours or so. Maybe my heaven will present such an opportunity; my hell will, of course, include roast suckling pig!
