Why me? – for the love of God…
I’m taking my morning power walk in 110 degree dry-baked heat in Tucson, happily listening to my Stones playlist, picking up speed, looking at the mountains and the cactus, feelin’ just fine. Out of the corner of my eye, I see these shapes dash across 4 lanes of highway. I think American Werewolf in London – their hair was perfect, BUT, I’m in Arizona. Hold on, I squint to see them better, and all of a sudden, the lead thing juts out its forelegs, slams on the breaks and kicks up a nice little dust devil that begins to waft in my direction. He targets me with beady red, bloodshot eyes, scimitar, self-sharpening tusks, all gnarly and grotesque gleaming in the sunlight, making awful gut wrenching noises…I think – I don’t give a $%^*& what these are, I’m outta here. So you know about my power stride, but I can run like a Cheetah when necessary, and believe me, this was absolutely necessary, because the lead thing takes off like a bullet – proclaiming his intention with one loud snort that, of course, alerts the other two things, who then proceed to kick up their own little dust devils. Now all three are in hot pursuit. I am running like a mad man back towards the hotel, when all of a sudden, my knee decides it wants to go somewhere else, perhaps back home, I dunno. So I begin to limp my way with ever diminishing separation between me and that thing that wants to gnaw on my recalcitrant knee cap. I see an Enterprise Car Rental Place that has a chain link fence; I grab onto link after link with hope that I can increase my speed with carefully placed hand-over-hand maneuvers. When, out of the blue, this jalopy turns from a side street – all neon colored, with a thousand bobbly-headed toy doggies in the rear window, all decked out with ribbons and piñatas, turns in my fleeing direction. It down-shifts and at that precise moment backfires. This kaboom startles the three werewolves and they kick up three more dust devils and high-tail it into the mesquite. I stop, trying to calm my nerves and quiet my aching lungs, slapping my knee to behave itself, and thanking God that I never got close enough to smell those nasty animals. They were, of course, Javelinas – not often seen, but I shall always remember them. I love pork in all of its forms, except this one.
