A Feasting We Will Go…The Pleasures of Excess!

Why, Oh Why do I go here…What is the point…Who cares and who listens? Well my beloved food friendly friends, it is you! You of all people get this …it is why you are here, reading the culinary musings of one who has spent endless evenings in a Grand Mal of flavor induced euphoria. Yet, it is simply not enough. You [We] want more, we need more and yet, with each attainable moment of temporal success, and after the endorphins have subsided, we are left crashed like a heroine junkie, sad, sullen, even morose…ah, yet here it comes…quietly at first, then building with increasing momentum, like a massive rock slide catapulting down the mountain…the thought blasts out of our skulls, loud enough to at least get our attention…what shall I have to eat next! Yes, that’s it!!! Options…many options, must be selective though…I only have this one opportunity for this one evening...must get it right. What shall it be? The answer to this question is largely dependent on mood. Here are a few simple suggestions on how to deal with this issue and maximize the opportunity:

1. Never order anything you can make better at home;
2. Whatever it is that you order, always order enough for a late night snack or breakfast (I do this all of the time, and actually write “leftovers for breakfast” on my receipts submitted to Clients – this way it is not so shocking that I spent $80 on a 5 oz. piece of Japanese Kobe Beef; I really do eat the leaftovers for breakfast!);
3. Stretch your taste buds into another culinary realm (I get very annoyed with folks who live their entire lives in a very narrow ethnic food lane); use the ever popular IPhone app – “Ethnic Food Lovers Delight” [not a bad idea, anyone interested in a little design work? $0.99 x 2 million subscribers will put a lot of puffer fish cheeks on your plate];
4. Go for things you need to eat with fingers, chop sticks, over-sized ladles, or slurp from a large vat;
5. Be sure that whatever it is, pork fat is involved [duck fat will also do in a pinch];
6. If number 5 above is not readily available, ask for a larding needle and do it yourself;
7. Ensure plenty of tasty beverages accompany the adventure;
8. And, lastly, order something that you can share with an invited friend or two; eating alone is about nutrition, eating with another is a party.

It is perfectly natural to enjoy the experience of decision-making, but once decided, move swiftly if you must, or linger quietly in the confidence that a decision has been struck, warmed in the knowledge that you have carved out a wonderful selection of plates, tailored to your specific mood of the moment and enjoy another glass of wine.

It’s a pity that we can’t embark on this adventure like every couple of hours or so. Maybe my heaven will present such an opportunity; my hell will, of course, include roast suckling pig!

Here we go again! Celebrity Chefs

This is a bona fide phenomenon. I remember back in the very early nineties, watching a very young Emeril Lagasse, another fellow, Pasquale Carpino, who would belt out operatic arias and steam saute his way through the show, Martin Yan, also very young, and of course Julia Child and Jacques Pepin. Who would have thought that almost 20 years later we would have such an array of TV entertainment dedicated to food and the people who cook it! Giada, can you say for me: "brooschkettaaa"? Mario, can you say: "the undisputed king of cheese, parmegianno reggggggiaannooooo"? Emeril - how about: Bam, bam, bam-bam? Guy Fieri - is it money or is it just off the hook? Paula - can you make anything without a "1/2 pound of buuutteeerrr"? Tyler - how about the "ultimate" farte? Bobby - just how many chili peppers does it take to grill a shrimp? Oh, speaking of peppers, Rick Bayless is purported to be the best ambassador of authentic Mexican cuisine in the US, and I am inclined to agree - he does not really have any signature tag lines - but he could speak at little less deliberately. Andrew Zimmerman - what the hell are you going to choke down next - stinky tofu smeared on a bagel, topped with wild boar snot? How about the Iron Chef, with that stringy acrobatic host - cause we need him to coordinate everything - a panel of no less than 3 "experts", two of which typically don't know a damn thing about cooking, a mystery ingredient that each battle contestant has known about for several weeks, and Alton Brown, chirping his way through the show with a blizzard of gastronomic food facts, like I care. The worst is that other commentator - Kevin Brauch - he adds such richness and dimension to the program when he recaps the scoring formula and helps me count to 5; I was left in tatters when he told Alton about the fish poop and kelp ice cream Iron Chef Morimoto had just made. Then you have Gordon Ramsay: yeah, bollux the bloody whatever, throw the dish down the bloody toilet and get the f%$&** out of here, you ingrate!" (Wow that does feel refreshing) This is only the beginning - it will never end, and it will provide ongoing fodder for food bloggers all over the world. Out of this chaotic melange of celebrity chefs, comes at least one with the integrity, the selflessness and creativity to dominate the food scene: What would we do to fill our pantries without Sandra Lee?

This was such fun that I think I'll do another blog on Celebrity Chefs.

Anthony Bourdain ~ finally someone gets me!

This is the man that changed everything, and pretty much all at once with the birth of No Reservations! He has spent 28 years sweating, smoking, drinking, eating, creating and enjoying his career immensely. Now, he has achieved the pinnacle of prominence, the acme of ACME, the fundamental Holy Grail of what I believe to be the very best profession imaginable: he writes, eats, travels and is always hungry for more. Not every Chef could pull this off. His appeal is so refreshing, and a sharp departure from the well-scripted verse imposed by the FoodTV network. Anthony would never tolerate such a thing. In a staccato burst of creative expletives (I mean, how can you not admire a fellow like that), he would storm out of the #$%&&* set in a blaze of fury, snarling with abject disdain. Why do I like this guy? Because he is the real deal - not some pre-fabricated TV personality. And, I have noticed a subtle change over his 5 seasons. He is focusing increasingly on the human condition and the learnings so generously offered, with food as the pivot point! This is the friction that ignites the story. Everything about his show captures the essence, the spirit, the core of his view in the moment of exploration. He reactions are always genuine. There is a bit of a hard edge to him, that when turned inside out reveals a very soft downy, almost drowsy lining that has such appeal. He can be warm, yet turn on a dime into a scathing critic of whatever is in his view finder at that instant. His enjoyment of food is boundless. The contemporary physio-metrics and the science of metabolic processing demands grafting a porta-potty to his backside ~ how can he survive some of those ethnic feasting bouts? Would that I could travel to the some of the special places that he's been - thank God he provides a vehicle for the unexplorable. He gets me, because I get him!

The Movable Feast ~ Friday Day 5:

By now, my cholesterol levels lie beyond the limits of present measurability. I have taken on a unique skin tone, no doubt attributed to the natural sheen my coat has absorbed from fat.

318 Mill Café (Excelsior, MN): Matt found this little gem for our final lunch that was a convenient shot for me to the MSP airport. Greg Archer, another GRE Environmental Professional joined us. We began with two homemade pizzas: apple, bacon, gorgonzola and a Serrano ham, pear & chevre, accented with a spinach/balsamic reduction. The dough is made fresh daily. We generally don’t like to mix fruit with savory on pizzas, but the combination work very well. For my main lunch, I ordered the Cured Meat tray that included very generous portions of Serrano, sopressata, chorizo, conrnichons, kalamata olives, sautéed walnuts and baguette. Greg had a taco assortment, his favorite being the potato, chorizo, with queso fresco. Then there is Matt; his deliberations took quite a while ~ he must have reviewed their little menu 100 times, interspersing his reading with forays to inspect the dessert bar. He finally decided on a turkey, brie, apple sandwich slathered with honey/pecan butter. He then “taco cost averaged” his way into two nice ones: the chorizo potato and also shredded chicken. We were stuffed, but not Matt – he consumed a rather huge artisan cupcake in about three bites. I sweat just thinking about it! If you get a chance, you must go to the 318 Mill Café, it won’t disappoint!

Thanks!

At the end of the day, it is amazing how food can bring people of diverse interests together, and is this particular instance, to share the gluttonous bounty produced during this week-long harvest. Thanks to Erik for his home-smoked salmon, to Lloyd Brandt for the smoked salmon from Lowes, and a special thanks to Matt for all of the work he must have invested to bring this all together. He has already commenced preparations for my next visit. To preview: indigenous fresh Lake Superior fish boils; outdoor pizza oven cook your own, adventure; Thai submarine sandwiches (this I gotta experience) and Heaven knows what else is lurking behind that under-nourished noggin of his! Bon Appetite!

ps ~ Minnesota, who would have ever guessed!

pss ~ apologies for my incorrect assertion in a prior article that "anything on a stick" is a signature Minnesotan dish - only at the State Fair, where you can bet your last dollar that each year out performs the last in this regard.

The Movable Feast ~ Thursday Day 4: (Cambridge and Grandy, MN)

Breakfast: Smoked salmon this time from Lowes located in Two Harbors provided courtesy of Lloyd Brandt, NCT Foreman; brown sugar brined; medium to cold smoked…very nice, and I noticed that Erik agreed.

Brass Rail (Grandy, MN): Matt describes this as a tiny joint in Northern Minnesota, but one with the very best broasted chicken. It appears that Minnesota has its very own selection of “ethnic” foods; among them are: Northern Whitefish; Smoked Trout; Native Wild Rice; and of course, broasted chicken. Here’s the deal ~ broasted chicken is not fried chicken per se, but rather seasoned and floured chicken on the bone (no boneless breasts will do here!), deep fried in a controlled temperature pressure cooker; very tricky to pull off. With the right touch, the chicken emerges with the most excellent crispy tangy skin, and very moist delectable meat inside. If all of the preparations and execution are not precise, you wind up with grease-laden, over-cooked outside, and under-cooked red to the bone on the inside. This is why everyone celebrates when somebody gets it right! And, believe me, the Brass Rail gets it right! As you can see from the photos, there were no dainty portions of breast meat and they will assemble any chicken pieces that you like! Sides included toast and Cole Slaw; you have your potato option: waffle fries, broasted potatoes, tater tots, and so on. This is by far the very best chicken I have ever eaten – bar none, anywhere in the USA.

For your information, the Owner has constructed a mobile broasting rig: this means catering an on-premise broast-fest. Oh, yeah!

THE MOVABLE FEAST (a short series)

Well you see, Matt Herman is an Environmental Professional, gourmand, localvore and bon vivant, a big fellow to be sure, with a bigger heart and an insatiable passion for food, particularly good food and lots of it; he is also bit of a wise guy (at least with me). He takes great care in managing his culinary environment, and is not adverse to exploration, or exploitation (See rib cost averaging in Tuesday's report). While on a consulting assignment with Great River Energy in Minnesota, Matt was not only my primary Client Contact, but also my culinary cruise director, expertly piloting me through the most amazing gastronomic safari. Let us begin this week-long travel log.

“If you aren’t thinking about food, you’re just not concentrating!” (Anthony Bourdain)

The Movable Feast ~ Monday Day 1: (Maple Grove, MN)

To start, Erik Silvola, another fine GRE Environmental Professional, really knows his way around all sorts of game cookery. He’s truly and avid sportsman and an expert in the precise and delicate art of smoking fish; his knowledge about the various techniques, seasoning and brining, use of aromatics, etc. is huge (hey, we’re talking about a Finlander who knows how to build real saunas for Pete’s sake). We began our meeting with the most delightful nosh of salmon (taken by Erik from the Kenai River in south-central Alaska), accompanied by carefully selected crackers, artisan cream cheeses, etc. He lamented the use of Chardonnay over the Sauvignon Blanc in the brining preparation and moisture infusion during the smoking process (a chef is never satisfied!). Breakfast salmon was available all week long! I have the most wonderful job in the world.

Kabobs (Maple Grove, MN) ~ I was numb with anticipation until at last we arrived at the most splendid of buffet tables. The food glistened with oils and spices; aromas permeated everything. How utterly thoughtful of Matt to suggest this first insertion point; he is devilishly clever, thinking that he could soften my expectations of things to follow by blowing my mind with this first salvo. It was so very good; I hated myself in the moment. Everything was superb: papadums, dosay, curried goat, reshmi chicken, tandoori minced lamb seek kabab, dals, naan, etc. The buffet was preferable to ordering from the menu ~ why you ask? It is very simple: lots of choices to sample, and unlimited refills; there is no disappointment, only bliss. I enjoy Indian cuisine whenever and wherever I can, and this place is top quartile in terms of freshness, taste and authenticity. I must say that the highlight for me was the goat – terrific! Kabobs is certainly not to be missed. The little place is compact but charming and very clean. You must go there!