Eat This, Not That ~ Eat This AND That!!

Ever ponder what it would be like to experience an entire year of traveling among the most wonderfully food-centered cultures of our planet? The mere thought of this hypothetical sends chills down my spine. The peopling of our world embraces thousands of years of culinary trial and error, only to arrive at the ultimate in perfection; hell, I could spend 100 years just in Asia. What would you do with one year, a blank check and nothing to do but explore, eat, reflect and do it all over again the very next day. I think I have just described the life of Anthony Bourdain. This current gig of his is absolutely unparalled in the annals of anything, and like any thoughtful human being, he certainly does not take this for granted. What amazing set of string theory accidents propelled him from a baby into this most amazing adventure. You could not make this up in a thousand years. What is the learining here? It is this: someone was needed to jack hammer us out of our slumbering mediocraty, as we have been narcotized with opulence and don't even have a clue, save for a few very lucky souls, how rich and complete life can be. We do not echo anything worthwhile, particularly when a simple rice paddy farmer has more character and beauty at each footfall, than we can amass in a lifetime. Broken and bended at the back, day after day, yet...

@RuthBourdain

This is a hilarious comingling of the lyrical haiku of Ruth Reichl (former Editor Gourmet) and the stinging ballistic debauchery of Anthony Bourdain.  Popping into the Twitterverse about 3 years ago, Josh Friedland’s avatar is widely acclaimed by such notable venues as the Wall St. Journal, NY times, Washington Post, etc.  His book: Comfort Me with Offal, Ruth Bourdain’s Guide to Gastronomy (amzn.com) will certainly be a best seller.  Insightful musings on the frailty of the human condition: “And Guy Fieri does not win Outstanding Chef?”, “Google has banned porn on Google Glass, but what about Food Porn?” “In a major blow, butter has just cancelled its relationship with Paula Dean!”… and on and on…  I beg you to follow @RuthBourdain on Twitter.  “A parody match up of tweets!” An informative and entertaining guide to navigating our culinary mileau, whilst poking great fun at celebrity chefs, dining etiquette, etc.  I find this whole thing wildly amusing...my wife thinks it is silly and that I'm a huge jerk for being at all impressed with it.  

CAYMAN COOKOUT 2014 Wha Whaaaat?

Before I begin – apologies for my literary absence – I have been distracted with life, but I am now returning to my blog.  Stay tuned…

White sand beaches and palm trees makes me happy…very happy; however, there comes a moment that is just so compelling that one must act, without question or hesitation.  I found the reference to Eric Ripert’s Cayman Cookout 2014 in the August issue of Saveur but this time I was catapulted into a series of moves that by my calculations should deftly place me in the midst of one of the most fantastic ocean-side culinary experiences imaginable.  I am shaky with anticipation…wha whaaat?  Ok, imagine this: strolling barefoot on 7 miles of pristine beach, or Rum Point, or just about wherever, the air scented with floral aromatics, your palette tingles with lust as you contemplate each day’s menus (yes menus – eating this and thinking about the next is a birthright!).  Yeah, yeah yeah – just a lot of bullshit.  Indulge me: world class Chefs, with stunning global impact, dealers in sophisticated culinary brilliance, yet in the same instant able to present you with a regionally humble dish composed of the very freshest ingredients, simply prepared, not overly constructed, and unbelievably delicious.  Grand Cayman will be one of the most beautiful dining rooms of your wildest dreams, an unforgettable setting for 4 days of unparalleled tastings, commentary, banter, repartee…do I really need to go on with this?  You get it or you would not be even reading this.  Events have not yet been published yet but you can peruse last year’s agenda to get a flavor of what is likely in 2014 (Google Cayman Cookout and follow on Twitter @caymancookout). Jan 16-19.  Tickets go on sale Oct 1, 2013.  So be poised at the ready 1 minute after midnight on Sept 30.   All of this sound pretty authoritative –While I have been to the Caymans on several occasions, this will be my first Cayman Cookout – sitting here at this precise moment, I know that my every expectation will be exceeded.

OUR STORY CONTINUES:

Previously, we found Captain Drochan hard at task berating the young crofter, Dirk who, full of insolence and bravado, was seeking a berth on the Merchant Ship, “Margo” bound for the sea lanes of the Spice Islands.  The young Gael could not box a compass, tie a sheepshank, or converse with respect, yet the old sea biscuit saw something of himself in this one…

The next day, young Dirk braced himself for another encounter with the volatile Drochan…he spotted him in mid stride of the elbow pivot that would take dram of whiskey from the table to his lips.  The old tavern, “The Pig” was well worn, and every wooden surface glowed with the patina of age.  There were handfuls of ruffians, gambling tars, flitting mice and the ubiquitous stench of body odor, rotting teeth, street dogs and horseshit.  One sigh of pleasure from the Captain’s amber pull, and Dirk made his move.  “Sir, I pray for another chance with you. I know my tongue is stupid and devoid of manner, but I have a strong back and willing heart to work my best for you, the crew and the voyage.  I did not mean to offend you, but as you have observed, my mind takes on an idiot’s will at times, despite my inner protests.

“Well, you had best take possession of your “idiot” and quickly before I have the pleasure of hurling you arse out of that finely paned window.  I should rather be interred within the bowels of a rotting pig then to admit one of your two club feet on my ship; and there you have the balance of it.

Neither would give further quarter.  The Captain was a well-seasoned adventurer who had tasted the brine of many an ocean, set foot on many strange yet beautiful paradiso and polished more than one or two native mahogany breasts.  Dirk was tall, hardened by pulling muck and peat from the Moors with a crude spade made from the shoulder plate of a Hart, but his wanderlust was insatiable.  The two men were like twigs of the same branch, grafted from different trees.

OKINI PAN ASIAN RESTAURANT & SUSHI BAR

Well here we go!  I discovered this gem in Harrisburg, PA 3402-3406 Walnut Street.  I was staying at the Wyndham Garden, did not feel like another smoky dinner at Gilligan’s (yes they allow smoking in the bar).  So, the hotel dude flipped me a few Chinese menus.  This one blew my hair straight back!  Okay: Chinese, several regional styles, Japanese (especially diverse rolls, katsu, tempura, teriyaki, hibachi, sashimi, appetizers and so on)…but here is where it gets interesting: Thai, Hawaiian, Indonesian, Malaysian, and so on.  Are you kidding me?  This menu is exceptional – I wish I could have ordered one of everything.  The accompanying sauces for the food I did order were extraordinary, and each one carefully composed, with attention to quality, freshness, authenticity and well, just real pride.  I had the following: the Royal Cuisine of Thailand’s signature appetizer: whole chicken wings, boned out and stuffed with ground shrimp, cellophane noodles, cilantro and spices, aka “Angle Wings” – how utterly fitting.  I also had the Thai Fish Cakes, ground fish, curry sauce, and Thai herbs and fried, along with a sweet chili dipping sauce.  Next up, Chicken Satay, marinated and grilled with a bright spicy peanut sauce; very most and tender, glistening with the glow of the brazier.  The main event was a brilliantly composed dish of udon noodles, with chicken and shrimp, floating delightfully in an aromatic bath of bell pepper, onion, scallion and black pepper sauce, hence, Black Pepper Udon.  Fantastic.  Please go there, pick up, or order delivery – free within 5 miles.  You will love it!. 

INTRO TO SHORT STORY

Please read this with a thick Robbie Burns burr at the back of your tongue!

I have always maintained ‘tis a high mark of a Man’s character to know full well when to keep his trap door shut when there is nothing clangin’ and bangin’ about inside but drivel.  And for you Sir, I beg you to refrain from any further comment, for your next utterance shall be deemed a slander against me and my Countrymen; that is if you dare to feel the fire of my wrath and the smart back of my hand that’s soon to follow.  Do not persist; you may consider the matter closed.

Reef Snapper – It’s what’s for Dinner!!

Ok, so the caption is “Reef Snapper” – BUT, this theme speaks to all of that delectable bounty that swims or crawls ‘neath the briny blue sea.  From myriad latitudes and longitudes straight on ‘till morning, we have come to love those invitingly oceanic culinary delights!  Whether shelled, invertebrate, or scaled, what is the attraction?  Can you image the first human to pluck a 10 lb lobster from the nearest tide pool – cracking tail from body with a resounding snap, shoving down meat and entrails into his throat like a starving Pleistocene Megladon happily tearing into a squirmy little dogfish.  From there we have Pilgrims, boiling he crap out of them for hours – tough enough for you now? Then finally somebody figured out how to actually cook a proper one.  The seascape is so immense that we need to limit our scope.  I think I’ll jot a few notes about the Caribbean ~ for me, familiar territory.  Let’s begin with Bermuda Fish Head Chowder! Fantastic, with parsley, thyme, spring chives, onions and, of course, a couple of nice cheeky Red Snapper heads.  The bones, cartilage, and meaty morsels and bits really reduce down and concentrate the flavor.  Very satisfying.  The Bahamian Fish Boil uses the same technique, a slow simmer, but a bit spicier.  Grouper is another favorite whether grilled, fried, smuddered (smothered), baked, broiled or pan fired.  Proceed to Grand Cayman for herb seasoned Marlin Steaks sautéed with a buttered rum ginger glaze. Everything is better with rum.  A leisurely sail over to Puerto Rico for Casuelita, slow simmered in an earthenware pot with herbs, lobster, shrimp, clams, any mild whitefish, fish stock and white wine. Oh yes, and eat outside on the beach and no shoes.  I’m thinking too about a tall icy Mojito to go with.  If you go to Jamaica – you can have aquacultured hybrid Tilapia or, more importantly, you can have a jerked Red Snapper, cooked over pimento wood, basted with a traditional jerk sauce kicked up just as you like, with Toots and the Maytals playing, Sangster’s rum flowing and all is well!  You gotta try Blackwell’s Rum (Black Gold) by founder Chris of the same name – he also started Island Records – need I say more?  Fundamentally, freshly caught, seafood treated with respect in the preparation and the execution, absolutely guarantees a great meal; combine that with the beauty of the beach and you “eat well” my friends.  Think about this: sea urchin, squid, razor clams, conch, mussels, flying fish and their roe…